Today, I was souvenir shopping at Havaianas (in my mind, Brazil’s most popular export) and when I was checking out, there was this balding, paunchy, American man next to me, trying to exchange his shoes for the next size up.

“CAMBIO THESE SHOES FOR ANOTHER SIZE??” 

He was just so loud and rude, totally reeked of self-satisfaction and arrogance. The funny thing is, everyone in Havaianas speaks fluent English, so he could have, had the language thing really been a problem, just spoken to them normally in English. And, he must have known they spoke English since he was here for an exchange and probably had been before. And the way he said Obrigado. “OBRRREEEGAAAAADO” before whooshing out of there like he had shit to do and people to see. Again, the derisiveness was what was offensive, though his horrible (even to my ears) accent didn’t help.

Why bother with those niceties when it is painfully obvious that you feel that you’re a cut above everyone else? I’ve experienced this attitude from fellow Americans at other places here too. Several times at restaurants and shops, I’ve heard a group of Americans loudly speaking English, sometimes even about the establishment, always assuming that they are the only ones who speak English, and oftentimes, the only ones who matter. It’s the deafening volume in a hushed place, the condescending snorts about the food at a nice restaurant where I can guarantee almost half of the other patrons can hear and understand, the total lack of basic manners.

I don’t think that in the US, these people would act that way. Sure, there are rude people, but I think bad manners are exacerbated in a foreign country when you bring along the deeply-embedded belief that America is da best. I actually don’t have a problem with people who think that, since I think overall, compared to other places I’ve visited, I think oftentimes it’s true in terms of safety, cleaniness, ethnic heterogeneity, and of course first amendment! But why can’t we feel that way and be respectful of others on their home turf too? 

Don’t fucking tell me periodically, as I pour an hour into sorting, merging, and editing my contacts, that “[Insert change] has been saved” if next time I log back in, you’re actually just going to laugh in my fucking face and reflect none of my changes. 

You think you’re so fucking cool with your awesome ass logos that people can strum and shit, but get your basic email functions right first. I quit Yahoo! for you, and this is how you repay me? And you know what else? Google videochat BLOWS! At first, you work all fast and stuff, but after 15 minutes, you start lagging? COME ON. And what the fuck is up with you asking me EVERY OTHER TIME to download video/voice chat, and then just telling the message boards that you’re working on it???? DO YOU THINK THAT EVERYONE HAS SUPER FAST INTERNET THAT CAN REDOWNLOAD THAT STUFF AS OFTEN AS THEY WANT??? DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK THAT SOMETIMES, MY INTERNET IS SLOW AND I REALLY DON’T WANT TO FREEZE MY COMPUTER?? AND THAT I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE GETTING ON SKYPE??

fadfhgjashdfajgl;kjhagdfjl;kjfdhka. It’s been a long day. 

Tudo bem? Me? Well… 1L is over! I could focus on the positive, but the gorgeous cupcakes are already doing that. 

I finished my last exam last Wednesday at 5, and what a beautiful, caffeinated feeling it was! But why am I writing about it just now? I am masochistic duh and decided the perfect way to celebrate would be to do the Law Review Competition right after. It’s so weird. I know it’s super competitive and hard, and that I am wasting precious time that I should be spending learning Portuguese and/or packing YET I STILL HAVE TO PROVE THAT I AM THE KIND OF PERSON THAT TRIES OUT FOR SMART PEOPLE STUFF. That way, years from now, I can at least say I did it and feel secure in my Asian-ness.

Ugh, I disgust myself.  

The good news is that in less than 5 days I will be in beautiful Brazil, where the winter is warmer than Cambridge summer. I’m not sure why people think hell is supposed to be hot. Clearly, there can be no greater punishment than an eternity in a place where it snows in April.

The bad news is I am embarking on the greatest test of my vegetarian stamina that I have encountered since I converted! Apparently, Brazil has a very meat-based culture in general, and it may be hard to find places where I can get enough vegetarian food. BTW, as a recent veggie, I have been holding up really well. I actually don’t even feel the need or desire for meat at all (steak, chicken, BBQ, you name it, I don’t eat it). The ONE place where I still don’t trust myself? Chipotle. Those lazy summer days holding burritos swollen with corn, salsa, guac if I was feeling self-indulgent, but most of all spicy juicy barbacoa—no. I’m not strong enough. I consider that the ultimate test. The day that I can, in ravenous hunger, watch someone scarf down one of those baybehs in front of my very eyes will be the day I feel true personal triumph over my inner, environmentally-insensitive demons. 

What to do? Finish the competition or fry my brain with Ugly Betty re-runs? Go for a run or (continue to) stuff my face with Oreos and Sour Patch? Stay true to my beliefs or cave in to meat in the birthplace of Brazilian churrasco? CHOICES CHOICES CHOICES. 

It’s about two months into law school right now, and I guess it speaks to the character of the place when I say this is the first time I’ve felt like I can take some time to write about something not law-related. And to be honest, I don’t, it’s just the first time I’ve felt like I can take some time to procrastinate before returning to writing something law-related. That’s right, I have scheduled procrastination, mostly for sanity-preservation purposes. 

So what up? Hmm…I’m slowly succumbing to the sweet sweet call of caffeine, have already turned to online shopping as both a way to stay awake in some classes and stave off suicidal threats in others, am totally appreciating Google in a new way ever since I’ve realized that its servers can literally juggle 10 kajillion gchat convos at once, and have met enough med school dropouts at the law school to officially say SUCKIT to my Asian parents. 

But it’s not all rosy. In fact, most of the time, 1L kind of blows. Mountains of reading, cold-calling, assignment after assignment, and that nagging feeling that if I don’t keep up, all the rest of the geniuses in my section will run me over on the way to their own brilliant futures. I’d be kidding myself if I never looked around me and wondered wtf I was doing here. I think the comforting thing to say at this point would be that deep down, I finally realized everyone’s normal and we’re all in the same boat. But of course, we’re not. Some people here are genuinely awesome in ways that I’m just like WHOA THAT WAS SCARY. And my biggest challenge has been to get over that and see some awesomeness in myself, if only to maintain the delusion long enough to grind out a few competent exam answers come December. 

The law itself ain’t bad either. It’s not, as some ignorant morons have suggested, “just memorizing stuff”, it’s looking at cases, figuring out what someone decided, why it was decided that way, and evaluating/applying it. That’s right, higher level thinking guys, okay? Not gonna lie, I kind of miss the days when I could “just memorize stuff”, circle some letters, and get an A, or in the very least, BS my way through a paper by throwing in whatever cool-sounding words I was feeling that week, but for the first time since fractions, I feel challenged. Am I scared? Damn right! (FYI, I didn’t master fractions until fifth grade. Slicing a pie is not the way to teach it okay?! People get distracted by how hungry they are if math is right before lunch and then no one can pay attention.)

But just as fractions eventually succumbed to my intellectual might, so too will stupid law school one day yield to the sophisticated war machine I call my mind. ‘Tis just the storm before the calm.